02.16.05
the soundtrack of my life
I’m sitting here at Urban Mill. It’s a coffee shop. They have WIFI. I love WIFI and coffee. I really am very happy. I’m also listening to my favorite music. You see, I’m gearing up for the Festival of Faith and Music. I’ve been listening to more and more music lately. I thought I would miss the NPR, and I do, but I’ve found an acceptable replacement in the likes of David Wilcox, Bill Mallonee, the Indigo Girls, Patty Griffin, Kelly Joe Phelps, Michael Gulezian, and U2.
I’ve had a tenuous relationship with music in my life. We’ve had our time apart, we’ve had times when we were infatuated with one another. I’m not a hardcore music critic or follower. I just listen to what I like. With that said, music has really caused me to change. It’s been a catalyst of sorts in my life. Let me take you on the journey.
Highschool - I’ll be honest. I was a Third Day kind of guy. You name the praise music, the praise band, I was a follower. Some of you are probably surprised, but, I think, most of you aren’t. Most of us bad christians have arrived at the place that we are through a path through traditional Christianity. Anyway, I liked Third Day, I was totally jazzed when I heard Jesus Freak from DC Talk on the local radio station, and SonicFlood was really cool. But, for all the ‘good’ messages that those bands were about, never once did they cause me to critically engage and challenge the beliefs I had. For all I loved these bands, though, the stuff that really got me going was folk music, believe it or not.
My music teacher in high school, a man I still respect a great deal, really introduced me to a world beyond CCM. It wasn’t a particularly ’sketchy’ or ‘edgy’ world. But, at very least, it was outside the ghetto. I fell in love with the way a storyteller with a guitar could romanticize life. I learned to play guitar. (I also loved the way that women swooned when a 19 year old would play a slow love song about two people growing old together…but that’s another story.)
Then I went to college. Having taught myself the guitar, I provided much of my own soundtrack to life, playing those folk songs I loved most (over and over and much to the chagrin of my roomate.) I was the wandering troubador of Beets-Veenstra for the academic year of 97 - 98. A guy named Scott Blasco, whom I bump into every now and again, taught me to play the blues. I fell in love, again, with the blues.
About the same time I was falling in love with the blues, I was falling out of love with CCM. I really could write a book about CCM. I’ll give you an overview of the book, maybe what I’d write on the back cover, it’d go something like this “CCM sucks.” Anyway, something needed to fill that CCM sized hole in my heart. My RA, Zach, turned me on to Bill Mallonee and VOL. I now find Bill a little preachy, but he still holds a place in my heart. He is a dude who has had the courage to step out of the CCM genre. I really think that Bill’s ability to capture grace dancing amidst the shit of humanity has left a lasting impression on my worldview.
I learned to play ‘Drunk on the Tears,’ ‘River of Love,’ and ‘Double Cure.’ All Bill Mallonee written VOL songs.
Meanwhile, my love of the blues was riding into full swing. It was about this time that I attended a concert at Calvin. The show was Michael Gulezian opening for Kelly Joe Phelps–still my favorite live concert to date. Loved them both. Kelly Joe is just one real dude that can make a guitar speak. Paired with his smokey voice and willingness to reexamine traditional hymns and tenets of faith in his lyrical choices, I loved and still love to listen to Kelly Joe.
The folk kick came back with David Wilcox. Probably, the reason I love David Wilcox so much is because of my friend Kyle. Kyle introduced me to David. David is absolutely a folk artist. He plays in a blues style, and as Streak has pointed out in the past, he’s a little preachy. It’s true but his sermons kick ass. The song that really has proven to be a life and worldview changer for me is ‘Fearless Love.’ It’s a story put to music about a dude who’s protesting at a gay rights event. He came with his church. At one point, the story goes, someone threw a rock and hit a gay rights protester on the head. At this point, the dude has a flashback / WWJD moment. The dude then finds himself compelled to step out of the crowd and go to the care of the guy who was hit by the stone and care for him. It’s not that this is a message that is shocking–that Christians should love people and not throw rocks at them–it’s more the time in my life that I heard the message. Suffice it to say, it changed a worldview I’m not proud to have ever espoused.
There’s more, but I don’t want to bore you. But it does bring me to today. I’m sitting here listening to Patty Griffin. I love her music. Which songs are the best? My votes go to the ‘folkier’ songs, as you might expect. ‘Mary,’ a song about the mother of Christ (and possibly other Marys, too) is a beautiful anthem about the power of one of the most influential women the earth has ever known. This song is the kind of thing that protestants with their panties in a wad about the way catholics look at the holy mother should take a listen to. I also love (and hate) ‘Tony.’ This song is at once the most painful and truthful and eloquent and sickening song I think Patty does. Here’s an excerpt of the lyrics:
He always finished all his homework
Raised his hand in homerooom
He called the morning attendance
With the pledge alligence to the gloom
Hey Tony, what’s so good about dying
He said I think I might do a little dying today
He looked in the mirror and saw
A little faggot starin back at him
Pulled out a gun and blew himself away
I hated every day of high school
It’s funny, I guess you did too
Its funny how I never knew
There I was sitting right behind you
They wrote it in the local rag
Death comes to the local fag
I guess you finally stopped believing
That any hope would ever find you
Well I know that story,
I was sitting right behind you
Something in my stomach gets twisted straight into knots and still brings me to tears EVERY time I hear this song. I would highly recommend that you buy Flaming Red, by Patty Griffin…or steal it from a friend, which is what I did.
So, that’s my soundtrack. It’s often not about me. It’s more about where I’m at and where I’ve been. That’s why music has been so important to me, despite our off and on relationship, it’s led me down a path. To the place where I am, and for that I’ll be forever grateful.
But, I’m also curious. You all who read here probably have a soundtrack, too. If you like, I’d love to read about it. Write us all a synapse of your path, trackback, and let us in on your journey.
Addendum: Streak’s put up a ‘story of my life soundtrack post‘ too. You should read it.
Addendum…again: Zalm’s got a musical journey up now, too. Oh, and while you’re at it, wish him a ‘hello to the blogosphere.’
Also, don’t miss Kevin @ Wasp Jerky(secretly my favorite blog-name)’s soundtrack of life.
zalm said,
February 16, 2005 at 2:14 pm
man, “fearless love” is one of those landmark songs that i have to look to every now and then to make sure i’m headed in the right direction.
another david wilcox piece that has been grounding for me is an unrecorded piece called “a different kind of war.” it’s a spoken word piece that he had just written when i saw him perform shortly after september 11. it’s preachy and it’s political, but it’s what i needed to hear at the time. and, as you say, his sermons kick ass. the lyrics are here, although the last half is missing a whole mess of linebreaks.
honestly, i have a long soundtrack. but since i don’t have a blog and since i’m at work, i’ll have to add more in a later comment. i’m certainly eager to hear other folks’ answers.
Streak said,
February 16, 2005 at 4:40 pm
Flaming Red is an amazing album. “One Big Love” is one of those songs that has grown on me and “Goodbye” can just about do me in.
I know I said that Wilcox was a little preachy, but he is an amzing artist and one of the very best guitar players I have seen. I have his first album on the Itunes and still love it.
I will post more on my soundtrack. I don’t have trackback, or just don’t know how.
But I will post something. Music keeps me sane, or close.
Brandon said,
February 16, 2005 at 5:11 pm
Thanks guys!
I’ll look forward to your post, Streak.
Zalm, I’m going to try and say this kindly (and know that it’s a statment made completely in jest). There is no excuse for a human with his own domain name and server space to NOT have a blog in this day and age–especially with so much free blog software floating around!
Kevin said,
February 16, 2005 at 6:17 pm
Brandon, I discovered David Wilcox last year on the tip of a friend. I was fortunate enough to get to interview him for an alternative weekly paper I write for. I also got to see him last year here in Chicago. I agree–preachy. But also funny and poignant. The spoken word piece Zalm mentioned is also, again preachy, but worth tracking down.
I’ll post about my soundtrack later on my blog.
Kristen said,
February 16, 2005 at 7:07 pm
PATTY GRIFFIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah. Hell yeah.
Streak said,
February 16, 2005 at 8:07 pm
BTW, since my comments about Wilcox being preachy have circulated, let me elaborate. We saw him at the Blue Door here in OKC, which is a small intimate (and barebones club–bring your own drinks, etc). He was great, but kept bringing up these people from a local church to sing with him. They were good, but I didn’t pay 20 bucks to hear them. I wanted to hear David. Second, he started to play a really serious tune that started with a reference to suicide and sounded really intense, goofed and then skipped the tune completely. I understand that happens in live performances, but I was annoyed that we didn’t get the whole Wilcox experience and had to listen to local choir members. It may have made their day, but it annoyed the shit out of me.
All in all, it didn’t even compare to seeing Ian Moore or Alejandro Escovedo perform at the very same club.
Ol Cranky said,
February 16, 2005 at 8:11 pm
I gotta tell you, I started to cry just reading the lyrics, I don’t know if I could handle hearing that song! I’ve been in sort of happy, diversion mode (to the point I drove 15 miles past my office this morning) listening to Patti Scialfa’s “State of Grace” & Mavis Staples “Have a Little Faith” I listened to them repeatedly on my way home tonight since I was busy looking at some very depressing data all afternoon.
Brandon said,
February 16, 2005 at 9:18 pm
For the record, I want to say that Streak’s original comment WAS offhand about Wilcox being ‘preachy’ and it WAS framed in the context of really liking what his message was.
AND…I agree with his assessment. So, any flack that Streak takes, I deserve as much responsibility as he, regarding the comment.
I think we all love Wilcox.
benjamin said,
February 16, 2005 at 11:36 pm
I just got my wife “Flaming Red” for her birthday - seems like everywhere I go it’s “Patty Griffen” this and “Patty Griffen” that -
Meanwhile, I’m pretty geeked that launchcast’s aquired the rights to some of Slayer’s old albums….
benjamin said,
February 16, 2005 at 11:37 pm
I mean, everywhere I go on the internet, not everywhere I go my wife’s talking about it.
zalm said,
February 17, 2005 at 12:28 am
yeah, yeah. you’re very kind. sheesh, it’s like middle school all over again. “why don’t you have a blog?” “all the cool kids are doing it….” *grin*
one of these days, i’ll get around to it. maybe.
in the meantime, i have a bit of a ccm confession to make. at some point in my childhood, i seem to remember dancing around my room, fist pumping, singing “this means war!”
this disturbs me on so many levels. thanks, petra.
now that i think about it, i’m pretty sure i saw petra, degarmo & key and bebe & cece winans at six flags one year. i probably pumped my fist a lot that day, too. *sigh*
as long as i’m in a confessional mood regarding youthful fascination with spiritual warfare… one of my favorite hymns as a wee one was “onward, christian soldiers.” then again, i was young enough at the time that when pastor dad asked for prayer requests during a service, i asked for prayer for my winnie-the-pooh bear, who was apparently sick. so there was really nowhere to go but up in the wisdom category.
Locust Years said,
February 17, 2005 at 8:39 am
Anyone who’s a fan of Bill Mallonee is a friend of mine!
That may be a little strong of a statement, but living out West where no one’s ever heard of VoL, it’s refreshing to see a post on this topic. As for the rest — Indigo Girls et al — excellent taste
L'esprit D'escalier said,
February 17, 2005 at 9:14 am
Fracture/Method
I’ve found that there are three main ways to fracture a given chord progression….Now to copy quotes from Brandon and Streak that are ripe for good-spirited mocking and to give assorted shout-outs.
Elise said,
February 17, 2005 at 6:06 pm
My soundtrack right now is more made of songs that keep me inspired to stay me. “Extraordinary” by Liz Phair, ” “Girl from the Gutter” by Kina, “32 Flavors” by Ani Difranco, and a song that’s been redone by the Tabasco Donkeys. I have no idea what the title is, but the basis of the song is a cowboy is reading a letter from friends back home who can’t understand why he “rides for his money” and think he’s losing his share of the good life, while he and his fellow cowboys wonder why people stay in offices. Another Tabasco Donkey song is based on an Edward Abbey poem with the famous line “Civilization is a nice place to visit, but I won’t want to live there.” (I suppose no one else has heard of the Tabasco Donkeys since they are staff members at Philmont Scout Ranch in New Mexico..)
Ol Cranky said,
February 17, 2005 at 7:34 pm
Hey guys, I’ve got a question that maybe you can answer. I made mention of the lyrics to Tony and that I was pleasantly surprised to have a Christian singer performing this song and then someone said:
“I guess you finally stopped believing
That any hope would ever find you”
are meant to convey the view that the hope is through ‘religious’ self-denial. That’s a hateful line some homophobic religions have been pushing to the detriment of gay people for a long time. The tragic irony is their own complicity in the self-hate that can lead to such desperate acts.
I didn’t take it that way at all, but being neither Christian nor gay, I wonder if I was just being naive or if the words are meant to convey a sadness that he gave up on believing in the hope he could accept himself and be accepted as he is. Am I being naive?
zalm said,
February 18, 2005 at 1:05 am
hmmm…
i’m but a simple man, and your newfangled bloggy ways confuse me. i’m not sure why executing a trackback has daunted me so. but it has. my response post is up at my new home.
don’t let it go to your head.
Brandon said,
February 18, 2005 at 1:06 am
I certainly didn’t take it that way either.
Honestly, given the tenor of the song, I’d kind of be surprised to hear that that was Patty’s intention in that line.
I certainly don’t dispute that that line IS used that way in Christian circles, tragically. My thought was that he lost hope that love (whether that be eros, philos, or agape) would ever find him…lost hope that he’d be cared for.
To say that ‘hope’ infers religious self-denial is reading A LOT into those lyrics, I agree. I’m not saying that’s wrong, but, it’s quite possible the person that said that really didn’t quite know the context, nor the voice of the speaker.
njc said,
February 18, 2005 at 6:31 am
Love Patty Griffin. “Flaming Love” was the first album my husband ever bought me when we were dating. I check your blog regularly–it gives me a wee bit of hope for the faith community. Keep it up.
Kevin Hayden said,
February 18, 2005 at 5:21 pm
Among some lesser known folky or bluesy artists I’ve caught onto through the years (and yes, perhaps my music collection needs updates. I’m old, so I don’t keep up like I useta)are three that are known as much for their humor as their more compelling, serious songs: David Bromberg, Christine Lavin and John Gorka.
Consider Lavin’s “The Moment Slipped Away” or “Somebody’s Baby”, Gorka’s “Love Is Our Cross To Bear” or Bromberg’s “Child’s Song”, “Ugly Hour”, or “Watch Baby Fall”. Granted, it takes a bit to adapt to the peculiar voices of Bromberg or Lavin. And the whimsical takes are notb as deep as those you describe. But they, too, reflect both the light and serious sides of life that reached to my core at times.
And then there’s Johnny Cash, for a different genre entirely…
Yup, I guess I’m getting old…
zalm said,
February 18, 2005 at 5:40 pm
“love is our cross to bear” is a beauty. for gorka’s lighter side, i’m also particular to “i saw a stranger with your hair,” which begins:
it seems from this thread that i’m going to have to go get me some patty griffin. is “flaming love” the place to start? that appears to be the consensus.
Ol Cranky said,
February 18, 2005 at 7:03 pm
Brandon:
Thanks for the info. I have a feeling that some people have felt so very abused by those on the extremes they automatically assume the worst and aren’t willing to consider any other possibility.
Brandon said,
February 18, 2005 at 7:55 pm
I agree, Ol Cranky. And, truth be told, I don’t blame those people. I don’t agree with their take on things sometimes…but I certainly don’t blame them either.
Zalm, I think Flaming Red is an unbelievable album. I would start there, but I’m open to other’s thoughts, too.
Kristen said,
February 19, 2005 at 11:45 pm
Flaming Red is amazing, but I love every one of her albums. Start at Flaming Red, and if you enjoy, don’t stop there!
Streak said,
February 21, 2005 at 10:45 am
Yeah, to echo Kristen’s point, Patty has other albums that are really good. I really love “Living with Ghosts” and “1000 Kisses” a lot. The first has some of the best guitar work and lyrics I have ever heard.
Benjamin said,
February 22, 2005 at 12:01 am
Since you’re collecting soundtrack posts, I figured I may as well put one up as well…
Michelle said,
February 22, 2005 at 10:25 pm
This post made me smile. Remember my CCM adolescence filled with Michael W. Smith, Amy Grant, and yes, Petra. A few years ago I got a car with only a tape player and as I didn’t have an adapter for my CD player, I thought I’d pop in some of my old CCM tapes as a nostalgic, kitchy sorta thing. OMG! How the hell did I ever listen to that crap?!
It took me a little longer to let go of most of my old CCM and grab hold of anything else and when I did, it really was just about anything else — Nirvana, Ella Fitzgerald, Loreena McKennitt, Indigo Girls. And now that I have a boyfriend who is British and a little bit older than I am, I’m being introduced to 80s Brit bands like the Smiths and Madness.
I say most CCM as I never really did let go of Rich Mullins. While listening to him now can make me wince a bit theologically or just from some of the cheesy CCM-esque production of his songs, his music is something that still feels a bit soothing. In a yoga class we were asked to list things that centered us or brought us back into ourselves (whatever that might mean) and listening to Rich Mullins was near the top of my list. His song “Jacob loved 2 Women” can depress me as well as any Tracy Chapman song. And I can still remember someone asking him about that song just after a concert at a summer music festival I went to. “Well,” he said. “I wrote it to piss off the Evangelical community.” Yep. That’s when I knew I loved that guy.
Another CCM artist that I’ve just recently begun to appreciate is Mark Heard. The style of his music is still a bit too country-ish for my ear, but lyrically he’s brilliant. Probably why he never got much play time on Christian radio stations when he was alive.
mindy said,
June 7, 2005 at 3:01 pm
Did you work at Philmont? I was a participant 96, 98, and Ranger Staff 2001.
Brian Maloney said,
June 9, 2005 at 1:03 pm
Totally love the direct music references and some the viewpoints and advice yielded here. Although, it would be cool if you were to place some lyrical references or poems here every so often that have influenced or steered you in some capacity in life.
Take Care and love your writing,
B.
Leezy said,
February 9, 2006 at 11:01 pm
Patty is Sweet!!!!!!
peregine said,
September 24, 2006 at 12:22 am
The songs by the Tobasco Donkeys are “Night Rider’s Lament” and “I Don
t Mind” respectively. Bit of history: the Tobasco Donkeys were all staffers at Philmont at various times in the late ’90s through ‘01 or ‘02 was the last year that one of them was on staff. They put together an album of songs, “Sawin’ on the Strings”, that were sung around the campfires.
UR4given said,
September 25, 2006 at 11:55 am
Glad some one brought this thread back…otherwise I would have missed it. it brings back a lot of CCM/evangelical root memories.
You see…I was one of the original “Jesus rockers” back in the early 70s, at least in the Michigan area. Long hair keyboard player, vocalist and promoter (Ok…now you can guess my age). I also promoted concerts of then popular CCM artists such as…Andre Crouch and the Deciples, Larry Norman, Randy Stonehill, Phil kaeggy, Randy Matthews and even performed on the same billing with Johnny and June Carter Cash when they went CCM for a while. I knew Amy Grant when she was a silly but hot looking teenager. The Shakira of her CCM generation. She was a little too soft for my musical and lyrical tastes…but more church people liked her I guess compared to some of these others.
The other artists of influence were Keith Green, Petra (apparently they are the Rolling Stones of Jesus rock?), Bob Dylan for a couple albums (remember the song “Gotta Serve Somebody”?)…and many folksy minstrels I can no longer remember the names of.
Now I occasionally smile at the “Christian” music my nephew and niece listen to…DC Talk, and other gothic named Christian bands I conveniently forget. And Christian “rap”? Fogedaboudit. I now understand better why some of the church people and those of my parents generation wondered how we could play that “devils music” with Christian lyrics. How I remember the tears they shed praying our direction…
Personally, I have moved on to Blues, Jazz, Fusion, and even find more “spiritual” value in Beethoven and Dvorak than I did in my teens:). Then theres salsa and merengue…talk about getting your feet movin…Yahoo and thank God for progress. I think his ears our bigger than all of ours put together…and to him it is all a “joyful noise”…
Kelly said,
May 16, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Patty’s done it with her new album, “Children Running Through”. My favorite songs….’Heavenly Day’ and ‘Up to the Mountain’…..move me like no other. Wish you guys were still active on this blog. Looks like it’s been awhile.