06.22.05

the perfect rinse

Posted in fun at 10:49 am by

WARNING: Sophomoric humor ahead. Consider yourself duly warned.

I learned a new word yesterday: manpon. (For any of you so inclined to write an entry at ye olde wikipedia about ‘manpons’ dive right in–so far they’ve been only defined on the ’shart’ page.)

I think I can use it in a sentence. Here goes. Had I been wearing my manpon when I was travelling for work, the mess may have been confined to my pants. (For some background about the preceding sentence check this post.) At any rate, the term manpon–as it should–caused my mind to wander to topics as grotesque as anal leakage, and sharts, etc.

As I pondered these things, at length, I remembered a short vignette involving my friend Ben. Ben and I used to work together. Sometimes he reads this blog–I suppose I’ll hear about it if he happens upon this entry. Worse yet, I suppose I’ll hear about it if his friends at the conservative Baptist Church he attends, read this and identify him. If so, Ben, remember the wise and immortal words of Forrest Gump: ‘Shit Happens.’

So, it was commonplace for Ben and I and some other co-workers to play basketball on our lunchbreak on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I was working at Calvin. This was truly a magical time for male bonding. Men showering together does something to their rapport. Enough said.

Ben is a Taylor University graduate. Evidently, at Taylor, they have some interesting showering procedures. So it came to pass that Ben was giving me a ’showering tutorial’ one day in the shower.

The perfect rinse is a tried and tested maneuver that ensures maximal cleanliness levels of one’s external anal region. As Ben explained the technique, he followed his own verbal instructions.

“First,” said Ben, “you get down onto your hands and knees.” Ben illustrated, bodily. “Next, you do this with your feet.” Ben proceeded to do a backward crawl until his feet touched the shower wall. What Ben did next surprised me. Ben continued walking his feet up the wall until he was almost completely inverted–doing a handstand while leaning up against the wall with his feet.

Acrobatically, this was certainly challenging; however, the true hygenic genius of the perfect rinse only becomes clear when one understands the positioning of the showerhead. The water stream–a tight pattern–was aimed almost directly into Ben’s ‘business end’. A perfect rinse, indeed.

Charming story, no? I’m sure that Ben wihes that the story ended there. It does not.

Ben, my co-workers, and I shared a chuckle, clearly caught up in the hilarity of the moment. For a mere fraction of a second, we forgot we were in a public restroom. A mere fraction of a second was all it took.

Just as Ben asked me to pass the soap, an elderly gentleman happened upon a scene that must have been shocking. I’d ballpark his age as around 75 or 80. The gentleman, who’d just been using the pool was wearing his suit. He saw fit to comment, “Whew, I sure am glad I decided to shower in my suit today.” Then he shook his head. A few minutes later, as three blushing admissions employees walked out of the shower, the man called after us with a chuckle, “Don’t worry guys, your secret’s safe with me–whatever blows your hair back, right?”

For some reason, the elderly man’s comment didn’t assuage our embarrassment.

Let that be a lesson to any of you who’re interested in pursuing extreme showering techniques–perhaps run a little interference before you get yourselves into any compromising situations.

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the perfect rinse

Posted in fun at 10:49 am by

WARNING: Sophomoric humor ahead. Consider yourself duly warned.

I learned a new word yesterday: manpon. (For any of you so inclined to write an entry at ye olde wikipedia about ‘manpons’ dive right in–so far they’ve been only defined on the ’shart’ page.)

I think I can use it in a sentence. Here goes. Had I been wearing my manpon when I was travelling for work, the mess may have been confined to my pants. (For some background about the preceding sentence check this post.) At any rate, the term manpon–as it should–caused my mind to wander to topics as grotesque as anal leakage, and sharts, etc.

As I pondered these things, at length, I remembered a short vignette involving my friend Ben. Ben and I used to work together. Sometimes he reads this blog–I suppose I’ll hear about it if he happens upon this entry. Worse yet, I suppose I’ll hear about it if his friends at the conservative Baptist Church he attends, read this and identify him. If so, Ben, remember the wise and immortal words of Forrest Gump: ‘Shit Happens.’

So, it was commonplace for Ben and I and some other co-workers to play basketball on our lunchbreak on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I was working at Calvin. This was truly a magical time for male bonding. Men showering together does something to their rapport. Enough said.

Ben is a Taylor University graduate. Evidently, at Taylor, they have some interesting showering procedures. So it came to pass that Ben was giving me a ’showering tutorial’ one day in the shower.

The perfect rinse is a tried and tested maneuver that ensures maximal cleanliness levels of one’s external anal region. As Ben explained the technique, he followed his own verbal instructions.

“First,” said Ben, “you get down onto your hands and knees.” Ben illustrated, bodily. “Next, you do this with your feet.” Ben proceeded to do a backward crawl until his feet touched the shower wall. What Ben did next surprised me. Ben continued walking his feet up the wall until he was almost completely inverted–doing a handstand while leaning up against the wall with his feet.

Acrobatically, this was certainly challenging; however, the true hygenic genius of the perfect rinse only becomes clear when one understands the positioning of the showerhead. The water stream–a tight pattern–was aimed almost directly into Ben’s ‘business end’. A perfect rinse, indeed.

Charming story, no? I’m sure that Ben wihes that the story ended there. It does not.

Ben, my co-workers, and I shared a chuckle, clearly caught up in the hilarity of the moment. For a mere fraction of a second, we forgot we were in a public restroom. A mere fraction of a second was all it took.

Just as Ben asked me to pass the soap, an elderly gentleman happened upon a scene that must have been shocking. I’d ballpark his age as around 75 or 80. The gentleman, who’d just been using the pool was wearing his suit. He saw fit to comment, “Whew, I sure am glad I decided to shower in my suit today.” Then he shook his head. A few minutes later, as three blushing admissions employees walked out of the shower, the man called after us with a chuckle, “Don’t worry guys, your secret’s safe with me–whatever blows your hair back, right?”

For some reason, the elderly man’s comment didn’t assuage our embarrassment.

Let that be a lesson to any of you who’re interested in pursuing extreme showering techniques–perhaps run a little interference before you get yourselves into any compromising situations.

Permalink

Trackback URL »

http://www.badchristian.com/2005/06/22/the_perfect_rinse/trackback/