08.09.05
Posted in christ-haunted life at 12:31 pm by
NOTE: For a little background on this post, read volume 1 and volume 2 of the christ-haunted life series.
I got an email yesterday asking me to expound a bit on why, exactly, I started this place. Essentially, the writer–Steve–asked for a mission statement. Immediately, I thought that I should just point him to the sidebar and click on ‘why bad christian dot com is so named‘. Then, as I pondered more deeply his request, I got to thinking. Things change. Purposes change. And, it’s really only fair to discuss not only the history of this community (and that’s really what I see this place as–not mine, not yours, but ours) and how it began. And, in the context of this place’s beginnings, what it’s direction currently is.
Honestly, badchristian.com started out of frustration. I felt–and still feel–like the contemporary institutional Church is more enamoured with a vision of its present righteousness than it is with encouraging people to be transformed AND then live truly transformational lives. Also, it frustrated me that the contemporary Church isn’t much in the business of allowing questions (and especially not in the business of questioning answers.)
Yet, in my own personal faith, I was–when I created this place–and am a person who found that his personal faith only really TRULY grew when I questioned my faith. Thus, I felt, and still feel like the contemporary institutional Church–in priding itself in its unwavering grasp of all that ‘must be’–was, albeit unintentionally, fostering a community unknowingly intent on spiritual stagnation.
As I began to discover what it was that I believed through scrutiny, it became clear to me that the truths that I’d been finding in scripture (namely, that my understanding of scripture and the good news compels me to be a social progressive.) Now, I think I’ve softened a bit over the year or so I’ve been writing regularly. I don’t think you need to be a progressive to be a ‘bad christian,’ though it probably helps.
What I think defines a bad christian is something in your heart that draws you, instinctively, to questions rather than answers. It’s not that you don’t ever hope to find the ‘answers’, in fact, it’s the quest that drives you.
Perhaps, it’s that view that primarily makes us–bad christians, or Christians on the fringes of faith, or really just people on the edges, or outside the fuzzy edges of faith–a shade different. This difference parallels, I think, the differences in the understanding of Salvation. Many Christians call salvation a one time thing that happens, and then, well, you’re saved, that’s it. I disagree. Salvation, to me, is a process of becoming. Truly submitting oneself to doubt is a key portion, a key step, in the process of becoming. Thus, I embrace questions.
Unfortunately, that makes me a bad christian, to some.
I started off writing this blog as an angry person. I’m less angry now, I think. Though, I certainly don’t think there was anything wrong with that anger. Anger was a part of the journey for me, and uncertainty is a constant companion. For that I thank God. Because through uncertainty, I feel that God has made herself known to me.
I’d describe this blog as a chance for me to search for answers through community. You folks who read and comment about what I write about have become a vital asset in my journey. How have I changed through this little experiment in self-revelation? Well, I think, I’m fueled less by frustration and more by an intense hunger for questions.
Will I ever find answers to all my questions? Probably not. Okay, definately not. And, I’m more okay with that every day. For now, I’ve fallen in love with this uncertain journey, and I’m particularly enamoured with the idea that folks have chosen to come along for the ride from time to time. So, thanks all, for putting up with my ramblings.
So, I suppose, that’s me in a nutshell. That’s why I write: To ask my questions out loud and pray that some of you might just be found by God the way I have in asking some of the same questions as I.
Permalink
Trackback URL »
http://www.badchristian.com/2005/08/09/why_do_i_write_what_i_write_a_christ_hau_3/trackback/
Posted in christ-haunted life at 12:31 pm by
NOTE: For a little background on this post, read volume 1 and volume 2 of the christ-haunted life series.
I got an email yesterday asking me to expound a bit on why, exactly, I started this place. Essentially, the writer–Steve–asked for a mission statement. Immediately, I thought that I should just point him to the sidebar and click on ‘why bad christian dot com is so named‘. Then, as I pondered more deeply his request, I got to thinking. Things change. Purposes change. And, it’s really only fair to discuss not only the history of this community (and that’s really what I see this place as–not mine, not yours, but ours) and how it began. And, in the context of this place’s beginnings, what it’s direction currently is.
Honestly, badchristian.com started out of frustration. I felt–and still feel–like the contemporary institutional Church is more enamoured with a vision of its present righteousness than it is with encouraging people to be transformed AND then live truly transformational lives. Also, it frustrated me that the contemporary Church isn’t much in the business of allowing questions (and especially not in the business of questioning answers.)
Yet, in my own personal faith, I was–when I created this place–and am a person who found that his personal faith only really TRULY grew when I questioned my faith. Thus, I felt, and still feel like the contemporary institutional Church–in priding itself in its unwavering grasp of all that ‘must be’–was, albeit unintentionally, fostering a community unknowingly intent on spiritual stagnation.
As I began to discover what it was that I believed through scrutiny, it became clear to me that the truths that I’d been finding in scripture (namely, that my understanding of scripture and the good news compels me to be a social progressive.) Now, I think I’ve softened a bit over the year or so I’ve been writing regularly. I don’t think you need to be a progressive to be a ‘bad christian,’ though it probably helps.
What I think defines a bad christian is something in your heart that draws you, instinctively, to questions rather than answers. It’s not that you don’t ever hope to find the ‘answers’, in fact, it’s the quest that drives you.
Perhaps, it’s that view that primarily makes us–bad christians, or Christians on the fringes of faith, or really just people on the edges, or outside the fuzzy edges of faith–a shade different. This difference parallels, I think, the differences in the understanding of Salvation. Many Christians call salvation a one time thing that happens, and then, well, you’re saved, that’s it. I disagree. Salvation, to me, is a process of becoming. Truly submitting oneself to doubt is a key portion, a key step, in the process of becoming. Thus, I embrace questions.
Unfortunately, that makes me a bad christian, to some.
I started off writing this blog as an angry person. I’m less angry now, I think. Though, I certainly don’t think there was anything wrong with that anger. Anger was a part of the journey for me, and uncertainty is a constant companion. For that I thank God. Because through uncertainty, I feel that God has made herself known to me.
I’d describe this blog as a chance for me to search for answers through community. You folks who read and comment about what I write about have become a vital asset in my journey. How have I changed through this little experiment in self-revelation? Well, I think, I’m fueled less by frustration and more by an intense hunger for questions.
Will I ever find answers to all my questions? Probably not. Okay, definately not. And, I’m more okay with that every day. For now, I’ve fallen in love with this uncertain journey, and I’m particularly enamoured with the idea that folks have chosen to come along for the ride from time to time. So, thanks all, for putting up with my ramblings.
So, I suppose, that’s me in a nutshell. That’s why I write: To ask my questions out loud and pray that some of you might just be found by God the way I have in asking some of the same questions as I.
Permalink
Trackback URL »
http://www.badchristian.com/2005/08/09/why_do_i_write_what_i_write_a_christ_hau_3/trackback/
Wounded Healer said,
August 9, 2005 at 3:27 pm
Well put. I am less angry than a year ago too, and part of my carthesis hs been venting, questioning, answering, wondering, cussing, and being part of a community that allows such transition and honesty. Thanks for sharing your heart and thoughts.
WH
eddie said,
August 9, 2005 at 3:46 pm
when it comes to the church, god forbid if you have doubts. question anything and god will hate you for it… or, at least that’s the way i’ve always experienced it.
i really appreciate this post. in a lot of ways, i think i’m still in my pissed off stage but i think i’m starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. i can honestly say that the only thing i am certian of in life and in my faith is that i am uncertian. therefor, i have choosen to be a life long learner.
filled with doubt and full of questions,
eddie
Adam said,
August 9, 2005 at 4:18 pm
Very well said, brother. I was challenged in my undergrad work to live an examined life, to be willing to question anything and everything. I took thi to heart, and it has made all the difference, especially in my journey with Christ.
JF said,
August 9, 2005 at 6:12 pm
Now your blog makes more sense and has more meaning when I read it. I especially clicked on the statement you made when you said
btw, is God really a woman?
leighleigh said,
August 9, 2005 at 7:33 pm
Yes and yes and yes. I have always been defined as someone a bit on the edge, somewhat of a puzzle to those very kind (for the most part)church goers. The thing for me has been the questions, so many questions. Do I hope for answers? Sure. Do I expect answers? Not really. The fun and the frusteration and the joy and the internal agony has been pushing through the questions, never being afraid, at the very least, to ask. I have always been drawn to asking and then asking again. I especially appreciate the part where you stated,
What I think defines a bad christian is something in your heart that draws you, instinctively, to questions rather than answers. It’s not that you don’t ever hope to find the ‘answers’, in fact, it’s the quest that drives you
You don’t understand how much that resonates within the core of who I am. Thank you for expressing your thoughts here. It’s so much fun to share, even in the slightest of ways, in the journey of another’s life. Thanks.
Greg said,
August 9, 2005 at 9:10 pm
This quote by Karl Rahner prefaces Gordan Kaufman’s book “In Face of Mystery”:
…what is called knowledge in every day parlance, is only a small island in a vast sea that has not been traveled…. Hence the existential question for the knower is this: Which does he love more, the small island of his so-called knowledge or the sea of infinite mystery?
I’ll put you down for the sea.
dorsey said,
August 9, 2005 at 9:55 pm
Hi Brandon,
I admire the sincerity of your search for answers. I wish more people (meaning “I”) were possessed of your diligence of self-scrutinization. Having been raised in church, rebelling against what I thought was God (turned out to be the church), then coming to a truce of sorts, now back to pissed-off, some of what I read here is difficult for me to process. Be patient with me.
The thing I love is your sense of process, of journey, of perpetual progress. But I read your comment on SCP, and I’m a little troubled (well, more worried than troubled) by something you said there. You indicated that you believe salvation to be a continuing process as opposed to something that happens all at once. I guess I want to understand what you mean a little better.
Throughout scripture, especially the book of Acts, I see plenty of evidence (Paul & Silas’ jailer, for instance) that people were “saved” the moment they believed (my understanding of “what” they believed is that Jesus is the Lord and that God raised Him from the dead). To my way of thinking, that’s where the process begins in earnest. There are many questions to explore and much of life as a believer to be learned and experienced. But the “saving” part occurs at the moment of belief in Christ, even though fuller understanding may come later (maybe much later, lol).
Do we differ or am I just not reading you? Thanks for causing me to think about this. Peace.
Allison said,
August 10, 2005 at 1:37 am
Brandon, this post eloquently describes pretty much where I am as well. I love having someone else help me explain my own head!
I’ve been rereading Princeton Review’s “Cracking the GRE: Psychology” as I’m thinking about what I really want to study/research in grad school (if I do it at all) and what, exactly it is that I wish to do afterward. That’s all still up in the air, but here’s something I read yesterday that takes this post and explains in academic terms why what you’re doing is exactly what any Christian *should* be doing:
Questioning makes your faith stronger in the long run, although that doesn’t make the process of holding your beliefs to the light any less frightening.
Dorsey: I found myself nodding when I read Brandon’s comments about salvation being an ongoing process…so while I can’t speak for him, I can do so for myself (or at least try). In my background (we’re talking middle/high school/college here), I found myself forever thinking of being a Christian as a lightswitch sort of operation. Was I “on” or was I “off”? Oh, the guilt that arrived with being “off”! (The evangelese term would be “backsliding”.) If I wasn’t living up to the code in its entirety, I was a failure.
Somewhere along the way (mid-twenties, actually), a realization hit me: I was not perfect. I was flawed. I would never be perfect. As obvious as this should have been, it hit me like a ton of bricks — and in part triggered my first major depression. Years later (I’m 34 now), I’ve made peace with my inperfections, and actually appreciate them (most of the time, anyway). Part of this process of self-acceptance has been realizing that Christianity — life, really — is not an all-or-nothing pursuit. In each day, I’ll do some things well. I’ll do others badly. I’ll act like Jesus sometimes. Other times, I’ll be a downright little shit. All that I can do — all that I can hope to do — is to grow and improve each day. I’m becoming a Christian, and that is a process that will never end; there will always be room for improvement.
That’s a bit of what it means to me, anyway.
Steve said,
August 10, 2005 at 5:35 am
Thanks for this post Brandon, It has filled in a few gaps I had in my head but that says more about me than anything else.
On Salvation I believe that Jesus saved creation when he died on the cross. Everything Ever Created. I do not believe in hell. The challenge is to live a life which in some way reflects this and to give the good news to people who haven’t heard it. Not even for us all to sing from the same hymn sheet, but to find our own way of being in the choir.
I think this is one of my least angry Christian moments
Thanks again
dorsey said,
August 10, 2005 at 8:05 am
Allison,
I don’t think we disagree. Your remarks about “living up to the code” made me nod. My experience was very similar. I grew up thinking that the moment I said “shit” (and I said it a lot), I lost my place in line, so to speak. I “got saved” almost every night at bedtime, because surely the rapture was going to take place while I dozed, and one “sin” was enough to keep me out of Paradise.
But “the code” wasn’t God. The code was an invention of the church. When I came to that understanding (part of my process), my fight was no longer with God (but I sure have fought the church). I guess my point is that, even though I once walked in mortal fear of becoming unsaved at any moment, I see now that, if I had died, I would have entered God’s presence. But just because I didn’t understand it didn’t negate it. Salvation was mine when I first believed. Everything that came after (or before, for that matter) is process. Do I make any sense?
Carrie said,
August 10, 2005 at 8:50 am
Well, I’m sure you get many comments so if you fail to respond I take no offense. I have a question did you really mean herself or was that a typo when you said. “I feel that God has made herself known to me.” I would say the Church is looking pretty shabby and if she is to prepare herself for the Bridegroom she’ll need to quit being so self-righteous, Love her Lover first and foremost, love others and put some elbow grease into really loving non-believers and investing in there lives to bring others to Christ instead of living in a christian bubble. What are you so uncertain about? Just curious. As I understand it and have experienced the Spirit will reveal things to us. I thought accepting Jesus is about faith. I am seeking God to know Him more, to have a greater understanding of who he is; what he’s done and will do. I’m certain he died for my sins. I’m certain that I am saved which has never given me a license to sin because the Holy Spirit lets me know that isn’t ok (conviction). I also agree it is a process. Now my certainty is based on Gods word and what he’s done so far. God is not a God of confusion. I don’t see anything wrong with questions; ask away but I wonder from whom should one seek the answers. And if we receive anything we are told to test it by His Spirit and the scriptures. I feel that when we try to much to wrap our minds around the things of God we lose our opportunity to trust Him and allow him to reveal things to us and it seems a little egocentric. But, having just read this blog and having no idea what I’m saying at 0830 after working a long hectic night. I just wanted to share some of the thoughts I had as I read you blog. Sorry if I’m way off base. Please forgive the gram errors.
eddie said,
August 10, 2005 at 11:10 am
hi carrie,
here’s a quick question for ya. if accepting jesus into your life and faith is all you need to be “saved”, what is the point and purpose of the church? can people accept welcome jesus into their life and intentionally NOT go to church?
Brandon said,
August 10, 2005 at 11:35 am
Allison:
Oddly enough, innoculation theory has been used in the communication discipline, as well. Of course, it’s less appealing to me in that setting as it’s often used to help folks be resistent to any change from outside information. Innoculation theory explains, again from a communication standpoint, why folks like worldview weekend are so popular. They train their minions to march in lockstep, shooting down any opinions they’ve been innoculated against.
Here’s a good textbook to look over for an overview of this approach to innoculation theory:
Miller, K. (2005). Communication theories: Perspectives, processes, and contexts (2nd edition). New York: McGraw Hill. (1st Edition, 2002)
This is not to say that you’re wrong about innoculation theory, Allison, not at all. I’m really just fascinated that you’re so interested in it, and I thought you might like to explore the concept further in different contexts.
Carrie:
Thanks for your response! I’m sure I’ll hit more of your thoughts in a few of the future posts I’m hoping to get up, but I wanted to comment briefly on one of your thoughts, “God is not a God of confusion.”
I agree. She’s not. Yet, as imperfect folk, we are a people of confusion. What I’m saying is that through the quest for truth, the quest for God, we might (though through a mirror, darkly) find some comfort in being on the journey–even if we haven’t yet arrived (and this side of the Kingdom of Heaven, we haven’t arrived.)
david said,
August 10, 2005 at 11:40 am
brandon,
agreed on the process/questioning thing. the last number of years have been a similar experience for me (studying philosophy, how can you avoid it?). as you (and others here) have experienced, undergoing this kind of process alienates one from the church-at-large (or at least many ‘members’ of the church-at-large), in the sense that church is usually a place of ‘answers’ and many of us questioners challenge the ‘answers’ (ergo, we are ‘heretics’ or ‘double-minded’ or ‘weak in our faith’, etc.). this alienation thing has led me to ponder the following question: what responsibility do questioners, etc. (’bad christians’ in your words) have to remain connected to the church-at-large (let’s call them ‘the alienators’ for ease of reference)? and i don’t mean nominally connected; i mean a bona fide attempt to experience intimate community with the alienators, to engage in a common purpose with them.
clearly, given the natural tension between ‘answerers’ and ‘questioners’ this may appear impossible. but then again, i wonder if that’s too easy of an ‘answer’ to the whole difficulty. i wrestle with this in a real way. i currently attend a ‘bible’ church in texas (that might say enough!) and am involved in a bible study with a group of folks who have a very dogmatic approach to the ‘answers’ found in the bible (surprise, surprise: many of the ‘answers’ provide ‘direct support’ for republican policies! whodathunkit?). i, being an inveterate and incessant questioner, often raise challenges to many of the answers given during bible study, and have often been on the receiving end of ‘the usual response’ (those of you who have questioned the ‘received wisdom’ of the church know what i mean). this has frustrated, disappointed, and angered me many times, and i have often thought of giving up. but then i recall that i am called to be an expression of Christ to others; not just to ‘the unchurched’ (who i would prefer to hang out with), but to all, including the ‘overly churched’. Jesus may have had harsh words for the pharisees (i.e., the religious people who thought they had all the ‘answers’), but he never turned them away from experiencing real community with him. (many didn’t take him up on his offer, but those who did weren’t turned away).
so, here’s the question in a nutshell: should questioners remain connected to the alienating church community and play a ‘gadfly’ role, prodding others to join them in the journey, or should they join up with other questioners and leave the alienators to their ‘answers’?
cheers.
dw
Brandon said,
August 10, 2005 at 11:47 am
What a wonderful question, David!
My answer is yes. Questioners are vital to what I would view as the ‘un-stagnation’ of the church. I guess, if pressed, I would say that a strict ‘answer’ person, is not really being honest with him or her self. And, if he or she is being honest, they’re missing the point. We all doubt.
I think, though, that to a degree questioners have missed their calling in the contemporary Church, too. We are called, after all, not only to question, not only to tear down principalities and forces, but also to transform.
Perhaps the first stage in the transformation of the Church lies in creating more questioners so that we can truthfully begin to transform.
As I see it, it’s very difficult to be an ‘answer’ person AND a transformer. Because, after all, answer folk tend to think we’ve done all the transforming we need, and now it’s time to kick our feet up and wait for the second coming.
I’ll probably post on this soon.
david said,
August 10, 2005 at 1:37 pm
brandon
thanks for the response. i particularly agree with the ‘transformation’ bit. (which, i think, also speaks to the salvation issue discussed above. in short, ’salvation’ is not so much about the ’saving moment’ but the transformation process…) questioners, though often shut out, have to play their God-given role in the ongoing transformation process of the church-at-large. anyway, i’ll be interested to read a lengthier post (and the ensuing discussion) on this issue (i.e., the role of the questioner in the church-at-large).
cheers
dw
Allison said,
August 10, 2005 at 2:31 pm
Dorsey - you make perfect sense, yes.
Brandon - I’m not surprised at all that you’ve seen Inoculation Theory applied in that manner. Actually, as I read the PR’s summaries of Social Psychology, I found it quite disturbing how much of the emphasis was on manipulating other people’s views. It’s things like this that are the reason I’m reading a few *yawn* textbooks in Psych/Soc before actually selecting my discipline. The idea of becoming a pawn for manipulating the masses is not appealing to me in the least; I’m more interested in empowering them.
Brandon said,
August 10, 2005 at 2:43 pm
Allison:
May I humbly suggest you give the field of Communication (particularly Interpersonal/Social Influence/Persuasion) a look. You may learn to love it as I have.
ninjanun said,
August 10, 2005 at 5:43 pm
Brandon, I’m glad you’re continuing your series, as am I (and I’m almost to the part where Christ comes in! Yay!
I really appreciate your questioning of the standard answers, and even questioning your own answers. I thought majoring in Religion would help me explore and find the true answers to all my questions, but I’m thankful that my liberal arts education (at a respectable, conservative Christian university, no less) actually strengthened the desire in me to never stop questioning, to never be satisfied and be in danger of becoming stagnant. Yes, there are tentative answers to our deepest, burning questions, but faith is not about trusting in our understanding, but in God’s goodness, love, and grace, and continually striving to work out that faith with fear and trembling.
Carrie said,
August 10, 2005 at 6:44 pm
Eddie, thanks for your reply. I don’t need the church to be “saved”. How I benifit from church is the fellowship, coming under a authority that God has placed in my life so I don’t go off the do everything that pops for the kingdom of God.I love my church cause our focus isn’t just receiving 70% of our congregation is involved with service and all we do when we get together build eachother up in that. I never been as encourage in God and his purposes for me. We have prophets, teachers, evanglists etc and each is valued for what they do. Are we perfect heck no but, I feel like we are “Gettin er done”. But we are a new church planted by two older churchs so that has alot to do with it. We don’t have “traditions” nor do we pay any mind to the clock when God wants to work. I don’t understand when church became about preaching to the choir. I know church sometimes not all we want it be but I hope people don’t abandon her cause she is the Bride of Christ. WE are the Bride of Christ. And it’s Jesus that is going to make us blameless in the presence of his glory. I can’t wait till as a whole we give up our westernized way of thinking and really have some Church!
Jon Trott said,
August 12, 2005 at 9:57 am
Thank you very much for the insightful comments. My only question (and it is mostly semantics) has to do with your riff on salvation. Could you have perhaps slipped into a false dichotomy by parsing it as you did — a choice between one-time salvation and the daily (even second to second) process? Perhaps it is not either/or but both/and. Which is probably what you’re saying anyway. For myself, there was absolutely a single moment in time when I was overwhelmed by the Spirit of God, indwelt in a way that forever changed the course of my personal history, the way I saw/see all that is. But that one moment has been followed by aftershocks that continually seem aimed at further leveling the remants of my preconceptions, pride, bigotry, and small-mindedness. At any rate, thanks again for the great dicussion.
eddie said,
August 12, 2005 at 10:45 am
thanks for the response carrie. just to clarify, would you be totally cool with idea of someone other than yourself who’s accepted christ in their life but would never go to church? yes or no?